After a conversation about polyamory during a work meeting this week (I know, my workplace is awesome), I realised that compared to many of the people I know and work with, my relationship status is relatively boring.
I’m very much oriented towards men and monogamous long-term relationships, having been in one for just over three years now. I’m quite enjoying it so far. I’ve never found that there has been more than one person I’d like to be in a relationship with at one time (it’s hard enough managing one), and I’ve never been particularly attracted to anyone of the same gender as me.
Of course, I have absolutely no problem with how anyone else lives in terms of their sexual or relationship orientation. And I firmly believe that everyone should have the right to live the lifestyle they feel best suits them, so long as all parties in the relationship are on the same page. I think this is increasingly becoming the majority opinion these days too, with gay marriage looking likely to become a legal option in New Zealand in the near future.
What I really struggle to understand though, is why so many people (of any orientation) still want to do something as old fashioned as get married? I can’t for the life of me see the appeal in it. I don’t believe in a God, so have no reason to vow to him that I’ll spend my life with one person. There are no economic benefits that I can see, at least not in New Zealand anyway. I’m not particularly fond of being the centre of attention, or want to spend an exorbitant amount of money on a dress I’ll only wear for one day. I don’t even have the desire to spend money on a giant party for my family and friends, to be honest, I’d much rather take a holiday.
I’m not a particularly romantic person, in terms of the traditional concept of romance. Flowers and fluffy hearts just isn’t really my thing. I don’t really feel the need to have my partner swear that he’ll love and stay with me forever…I’m too much of a realist for that. Considering the divorce rate is around 50%, I’d say at least half of the people that get married have an issue with the idea of forever anyway. So what should we be saying? I swear to stay with you, so long as we both love each other, we’re both happy, and we both still want to be here? It doesn’t quite have the same ring to it, and that’s something I have anyway without the need for a signed document to prove it.
Anyway, I don’t understand it and I probably never will. But what I do have is the capacity to understand that not everyone sees the world the same way as me. Diversity is the spice of life (as they say) and gay couples should have the same right to get married as everyone else, if that’s something they want to do. I’m pro-EVERYONE having the right to live how they want to, even if it’s not what I would choose for myself.
I just wish people wouldn’t feel the need to ask me to fit a certain mould either. I guess I have more in common with my workmates than I think.
Are you married, or do you want to be? What’s your motivation?
Or are you like me, and fail to see the point?