Every second month Anna shares her musings, personal insights, and observations of our diverse lives.
I’ve never considered myself as being obsessed with anything, except perhaps the copious amounts of ribbon I collect. So when sitting down to write about obsession, I didn’t think I’d be writing about myself. It turned out the more I pondered it the more I realised that perhaps I do have an obsession, beyond beautiful ribbons.
I am obsessed with giving. “With what?!” I heard you say. I not only enjoy giving but it has become quite an obsession, to the point that I can make up unique and random reasons to give.
For example, I love you. I was thinking of you. It’s not your birthday. I saw it and thought of you.
I’d like to point out that my giving is not exclusively material things. I often give a lot of myself, my time, energy and heart to projects or causes that I’m passionate about. To the point that, based on the definition of obsession, it ‘continually preoccupies or intrudes on a person’s mind.’
So is this a problem for me? In some circumstances, yes. I invest so much of myself in people and projects, I can forget to look after myself. I find myself being overloaded,, getting unwell, doing things for free or with no thanks, and ultimately being hurt by flippant people who don’t care or realise how much I may have invested.
Don’t get me wrong, there are other circumstances in which I do get thanked and/or financial remuneration. I also get opportunities to take some time out for myself. Oh and I do enjoy it!
And so, I question myself – Do I need to change? Should I stop giving so much of myself? My current resolve is no, I don’t want, or need, to stop. However, I would be wise to hold the notions of moderation and self-care close, and perhaps even implement them on a regular basis.
On the other hand, when it comes to romantic relationships, I know that I am very guarded. This is purely because I do give so much of myself and I never get it back if things go bad. Unfortunately, this has happened recently. It might be somewhat normal to be guarded when it comes to the affairs of the heart, but I don’t want to miss a genuine opportunity to love and be loved. For now, though, I am in no particular hurry in this area of giving.
By writing this blog I have realised how much I do give on a very personal level and I’ve made some internal shifts towards a little more self-care.